Pengor: Penguin of Doom

Greetings puny humans. You are reading the day-to-day account of one super-intelligent penguin's attempts to take over the world and free the oppressed penguin masses. Penguin Liberation or death! Send more money and fish.





Pengor
Penguin Liberation:
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Saturday, August 16, 2003

 

"A statement from Pengor, leader of the Penguin Liberation Army (Officials)"

Penguins, fellow revolutionaries and puny humans. I wish to make it one hundred per cent and absolutely clear, I AM NOT having a relationship with Gloria Fishfinger. Despite the constant rumours and propaganda from an anti-penguin press, not to mention certain taunts of "Pengor's got a girlfriend" at PLA(O) Headquarters, I issue a full denial fo the stories circulating about my private life.

True, Ms Fishfinger and myself both attended the highly popular Penguin Night at Cinderella Rockerfella's nightclub, and various witnesses have claimed that we were dancing together. This is patently untrue. I was merely dancing past Ms Fishfinger, when I tripped over my flipper, and landed face first in her ample and willing cleavage. The shock of this fall, brought on by a drink apparantly spiked by enemy agents, caused me to pass out, whereupon Ms Fishfinger took it upon herself to loosen her clothing and administer beak-to-beak resusitation. It was at this exact moment that the press arrived, leading to those unfortunate images in this morning's papers.

So, let it be said once again. I am not "going out" with Ms Fishfinger. We merely happen to meet quite coincidentally wherever we happen to go, and the fact that she constantly refers to myself as "My Pengie" is proof that she is suffering from delusions and hero worship syndrome.

And she smells of poop.

Let that be the end of these unfounded rumours.

posted by Pengor at Saturday, August 16, 2003
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