Pengor: Penguin of Doom

Greetings puny humans. You are reading the day-to-day account of one super-intelligent penguin's attempts to take over the world and free the oppressed penguin masses. Penguin Liberation or death! Send more money and fish.

Penguin Liberation:
It's not just about fish

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Wednesday, July 09, 2003



Wednesday. And you know what that means. Signining on day at the dole office. Oh, the humiliation. How many times have I told them I can't sign my name because I don't have opposable thumbs? Regurgitated fish IS my signature. Any road up, the spirit-crushing queue to wait my turn, then those same old questions.

"Have you done any paid work in the last two weeks Mr Pengor?"

Sheesh. Being the head of a worldwide network of Penguin Freedom Fighters is unpaid voluntary work. The only rewards will be those I eventually get in Penguin Heaven. Except for the $680,000,000,000,000 I'm extorting from the Italian government over those pictures of Snr Berlusconi and Tessa the Turbot. He ought to be ashamed. "Swimming with the fishes", my big fat feathery arse.

Still, they gave me my cheque, which will go into the PLA (O) fighting fund, which along with the thermo-nclear warheads and the VX nerve gas, will one day lead to an equitable and fair society for all of us. With me in charge. And you humans our slaves. But apart from that, 100% fair.

posted by Pengor at Wednesday, July 09, 2003
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