Pengor: Penguin of Doom

Greetings puny humans. You are reading the day-to-day account of one super-intelligent penguin's attempts to take over the world and free the oppressed penguin masses. Penguin Liberation or death! Send more money and fish.





Pengor
Penguin Liberation:
It's not just about fish

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Saturday, June 07, 2003

 

"Operation Antarctic Freedom"

Friends! Penguins! Comrades! The time for talk is over. Now is the time to strike the first blow for Penguin Liberation!

* Consider our poor, unfortunate brothers, sisters and fraternal siblings stranded in Antarctica without the home comforts of a comfy chair by a roaring log fire and a steaming plate of fish and chips.

* Realise that on the coast of the Ross Sea, the average penguin is UNEMPLOYED with no prospect of a job or vocational training. With nothing to do except dive into the freezing waters for fish, the levels of crime among penguin youth are rocketing, and it a sad fact that the average penguin youth has no formal qualifications.And who is to blame for this terible state of affairs? Bloody Thatcher, that’s who! Now is the time to strike hard, strike fast at the very heart of this malaise, to free our penguin comrades of this yoke which they bear.

NOW IS THE TIME FOR ACTION, AND WE AT THE PENGUIN LIBERATION ARMY (OFFICIALS) ARE THE PENGUINS TO DO IT.

Our plan of action:

1. Highly trained penguin cadres to land at strategic psotions on the Ross Sea coast and set up forward bases.

2. Wipe out the evil oppressive regime that is stifling Penguin Liberation. If no oppressive regime is encountered, organise a street march which ready-made anti-capitalist and anti-oppression banners with the approved chants “Maggie Maggie Maggie! Out Out Out!” and “What do we want? Penguin Freedom! When do we want it? NOW!”

3. Establish a network of drop-in centres for the impoverished penguin youth, including self-expression workshops, table tennis and a non-alcoholic juice bar (and remember- we only use “Fair Trade” fruit, comrades!)

4. Get to know what “the kids” are thinking. Remember - Huey Lewis and the News are this year’s hip act. “Rap” with the kids, and “hang tough” at the roller-disco. Get down, daddy-o!

5. Establish a series of first-strike capable thermo-nuclear missiles aimed at every western capital with a twenty-four hour deadline on establishing Penguin primacy in world affairs.

6. Coffee mornings for the retired and a creche for the single mums.

My Loyal Penguin Cadres - the hour is at hand. Get in there and kick some Thatchoid butt! No blackmail!

posted by Pengor at Saturday, June 07, 2003
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