Pengor: Penguin of Doom

Greetings puny humans. You are reading the day-to-day account of one super-intelligent penguin's attempts to take over the world and free the oppressed penguin masses. Penguin Liberation or death! Send more money and fish.





Pengor
Penguin Liberation:
It's not just about fish

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Archives

Thursday, September 14, 2006

 

Arch Nemesis

At last, my life has meaning.

I am now Oficial Arch Nemesis to this poor, deluded chap who thinks he's going to take over the world from his super-secret undersea base.

Poor, poor Voltan.

He promises to burn books, but if he comes anywhere near my 'Mrs Beeton's Big Book of Fish Recipes', he'll be feeling the sharp end of my beak, I can tell you for nothing.

Sea base? He'd better learn to swim.

Arch Nemesising is the best job ever.

posted by Pengor at Thursday, September 14, 2006
7 comments

Monday, August 28, 2006

 

All about Meme

Greetings puny humans. I appear to have become the victim of an internet meme. Any chance to spread the PLA(O) message...

1 Things that scare me
Nothing!
I fear nothing, Puny Humans! You have been warned!
Maybe trees.

2 People who make me laugh
Those who believe that Penguin Liberation Front will not rule the world when the Revolution comes!
Squirrels.
Puny Humans.

3 Things I hate the most
Squirrels.
McDonalds, for their crimes against perfectly good fish.
Puny Humans.

4 Things I don't understand
Gloria Fishfinger
Quantum mechanics (but I have a book)
Puny Humans

5 Things I'm doing right now
Plotting the Revolution
Eating fish
Gloria Fishfinger

6 Things I want to do before I die
Remove all traces of Zoo Keepers from the face of the planet!
Anihilate all Puny Humans from the face of the planet!
Gloria Fishfinger in an all you can eat fish restaurant.

7 Things I can do
Bring about the destruction of all Puny Humans!
Gloria Fishfinger
Make a rather tasty fish pie

8 Ways to describe my personality
Generous
Kind
Not at all egocentric or maniacal

9 Things I can't do
Nothing!
There is nothing I cannot do, Puny Humans! The world will be mine, and the fish along with it!
Maybe make Gloria Fishfinger give me a gobble. I'm still trying though.

10 Things I think you should listen to
Me!
ME!
MEMEMEMEMEME!

11 Things you should never listen to
Anybody who oppresses Penguins
Zoo Keepers
Coldplay. They will die, along with the rest of the Puny Humans, oh yes.

12 Things I'd like to learn
How to operate the Laser beam I have recently aquired
How to bring about the demise of all Puny Humans before next Tuesday
How to get Gloria Fishfinger to give me a gobble.

13 Favorite foods
Fish
Fish and chips
The entrails of Zoo Keepers

14 Beverages I drink regularly
Water
Fish cocktails
Fish oil

15 Shows I watched as a kid
Tomorrow's World
Citizen Smith. He had a good idea, although he was a mere Puny Human
Rick Stein's Fish Oddessey

16 People I'm tagging (to do this meme)
I do not care about the opinions of Puny Humans. There is no one greater than myself who could be of interest to me.
Maybe Gloria Fishfinger

posted by Pengor at Monday, August 28, 2006
0 comments

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

 

Woe

So I woke up this morning, rolled over to cop a quick feel from the gorgeous Gloria Fishfinger and fell twenty feet out of a tree, horribly denting my beak as the hard, hard ground fortuitously broke my fall.

I haven't been up a tree since I sold my ladder to that nice chap with the giraffe infestation. I ask myself: W T and indeed F?

posted by Pengor at Tuesday, July 18, 2006
0 comments

Friday, June 23, 2006

 

Egg

Not dead.

I have spent the last two months sitting on the lovely Gloria Fishfinger's latest egg. At least, we both assumed it was an egg, but it turned out to be a very round pebble with the words "A present from Brighton" written on the side, which was a present from her aunt. She is in Brighton, buying rocks that look like eggs.

Bollocks.

Still, it's nice to get away from it all.

Gloria is now sitting on our latest egg. At least, she thinks it's an egg.

*cough* Done a poo *cough*

posted by Pengor at Friday, June 23, 2006
0 comments

Thursday, April 27, 2006

 

Oh man, look at those penguins go

These guys are my heroes. Give them a decent target, eg the fish counter at Tescos, and civilisation as we know it may collapse.

Kill! KILL! And get me a nice Icthyosaur while you're at it. With chips.

posted by Pengor at Thursday, April 27, 2006
1 comments

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

 

Penguin Cam

A webcam. With Penguins.

Is there no end to this snooping?

posted by Pengor at Wednesday, March 08, 2006
2 comments

Monday, February 20, 2006

 

Egg

Hooray for egg!

Isle of Wight penguins have a chick. A chick that replaces the poor, dead Toga.

It's rather pleasing to see the Daily Mail asking readers for suitable names. I cannot imagine the true identity of "S Canard, Weymouth", however.

posted by Pengor at Monday, February 20, 2006
0 comments

Saturday, January 21, 2006

 


posted by Pengor at Saturday, January 21, 2006
2 comments

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

 

Happy New Year

And a quick glance at Old Fishie's Almanack says: "This will be a great year to launched an armed revolution to liberate the penguin masses from their human oppressors. Free fish for all!"

But then, he says that every year. I get the feeling he's making it all up.

posted by Pengor at Tuesday, January 03, 2006
1 comments

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

 

GaaaaaaaHHHHHHHHH!

GaaaaaaaHHHHHHHHH!

I am an angry penguin.

GaaaaaaaHHHHHHHHH!

This makes me so angry, I just want to find the bastards who did it and peck their evil faces off until they scream for mercy through the ragged, bleeding slash that their mouths have become, and then peck them some more just to make sure they never breed again.

Given the chance, there will be some sever penguin-flavoured running amok, I can tell you for nothing.

GaaaaaaaHHHHHHHHH!

In summary: GaaaaaaaHHHHHHHHH!

 


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